Peace of Mind for Pet Parents Episode 014: When They Know: The Quiet Wisdom of Animals at the End of Life

Episode Transcript: 

Karen Wylie:

Hello, and welcome again to Peace of Mind for Pet Parents. I'm Karen Wylie with Gail Pope, and today we're going to be talking about something that many of us have seen or felt with our own animals, but maybe we didn't have the words for.

There are so many quiet moments near the end of life, both for humans and pets. But our focus today, of course, is on the pets. And so these moments are when a pet seems to rally at the end of life—when you see them declining, but then their energy level is back. And they reach out to you in some very special and beautiful ways. Gail and I have both had these kinds of experiences with our pets, and so we wanted to share a couple of stories with you today.

Some call them swan songs, last goodbyes, final rallies. And so, because we've witnessed these things, we're going to take time now to share a couple stories with you. And Gail, I will turn to you to start us off.

Gail Pope:
Well, my goodness. Well, as you know, the story that came to me as perhaps one of the most amazing experiences of my entire life was the story of a cat named Sarah, and about what happened at the end of her life—and how magical it was. It was scary, but it was very magical, too.

Not to be too long-winded… Sarah came to me for help because she had health issues. She had feline lymphocytic plasmacytic stomatitis. Her wonderful owner had done just about everything. It was very new to the world at that time, and yet we'd worked with a few animals. So she asked if I would take Sarah and see if we could heal her.

She crept straight into my heart, stole it away, and never left it. You know you have that feeling sometimes with people, with animals, with whoever—that was Sarah. She became my heart and soul very, very quickly. And we worked basically following the BrightHaven menu for healing. She improved. She got better and better. And she did well for about two years—maybe a little longer than that—until she didn’t. Her health started to decline, and it was very clear she was getting close to the end of her life.

Then came the day that she collapsed in liver failure, and was clearly dying. And then it began. And in true BrightHaven style, things changed the following morning.

She basically limped—she dragged herself into the middle of our living room—and she just hunkered down there. I thought, I’ll be with her, and she’s going to die. However, we were joined by maybe five or six cats, a couple of dogs, and they actually sat in a circle around her.

I sat with them and thought, “What is this? What’s going on?” It was total silence. They just sat there almost as though they were all meditating.

And so it was. She did that each day for five days. She ate almost nothing. Each day she took a little water. Each day she basically just kept herself alive. She was very, very weak. And each day she chose a different room in the house, and different animals would come and sit around her. It was always in a circle around her. I wish I’d taken photos, but at the time I was grieving. I was panic-stricken. I didn’t know what was happening. And yes—I had to be there.

Then, on the next day, she collapsed. And she was very clearly dying. Richard sat with me—I can picture it now—sitting on the couch, holding her, and she would go through the dying process. But she didn’t die.

This went on for several hours, and finally Richard said, “Let’s—I think we have to call Vicky.” Vicky was the lady who kind of came along and taught us all things holistic—and things spooky, too. But this was the spookiest.

So I called Vicky, and I was sobbing, and I said, “You know, Sarah’s dying, and she just can’t seem to leave her body. What’s going on? This is terrible. What can I do?”

And she said, “Okay, don’t worry. We can do this. We can do this.” And she performed… well, I was sobbing an awful lot during the whole thing, and part of me was in disbelief. Part of me knew that I had to do what I was told.

She told me to visualize two cords—two silver cords. One was from my heart to Sarah’s heart, and the other was from my umbilical cord to her umbilical cord. She said, “I need you to visualize these cords.” Well, yes, there was I in a state of complete panic. But I calmed myself down. And yes, I visualized them.

She said, “Okay, so now, when you’re really comfortable, I need you to cut the umbilical cord—not the heart cord. At the same time, I need you to envisage that one growing longer.”

“Okay,” she said, “Are you ready?” What was I to do? I was almost in another world at that point—of love and grief and… you name it, all the different emotions. She said, “Okay, I’m going to count to three. And on the count of three, you’ll cut. And you’ll envisage.”

So that’s what we did. I cut. I envisioned the heart cord growing and growing. And in my arms, Sarah moved. She rolled her head back. She looked into my eyes. And she left her body. Her body just … she stepped out.

Richard and I both just sat and sobbed. It was too beautiful. It was too beautiful, too scary, too unknowing. It was magical and fearful—all of those things. But yes, that’s the first story that came into my mind—probably one of the most powerful. I think I wrote it down at some time, and we actually put it on our website. But it was very, very powerful.

Karen Wylie:
Oh, it’s powerful listening to the story. And I remember the first time you had told me about this, I was unfamiliar with the Silver Cord. And the fact that this is something that was mentioned in the Bible—that there’s all sorts of different metaphysical and energetic discussions about it online.

Gail Pope:
And I had no idea until today. No idea. I thought it was just spooky stuff that was in my memory. But wow. Yes, it’s just astonishing.

Karen Wylie:
Yeah. I mean, I think it’s a beautiful story. And especially because Vicky led you through a visualization that allowed you to let go of Sarah. Because you both were joined at the hip. And so that visualization helped each of you, I guess, detach from one another so she could go on to her next destination.

We’ll include some of those links to get you started—if you’re listening to this and it’s of interest to you. Certainly is of interest to me. And the thought I had when you’re calling it “the spooky” is that I always remember thinking of so many things that are spooky, you know, growing up—that you’d hear about and be like, “Oh, isn’t that weird?” You know, “Isn’t that strange?” 

And it’s like, you know it happens, you don’t deny that it happens, but you just don’t know what it means. And so it’s “spooky”.

And it’s not until you later on are looking back, and you see the meaning of these… I can’t just call them events. They’re a whole lot more than an event. “Event” sounds very cut and dried. It’s a process, and it’s such an emotional, emotional one. And so the connection between you and Sarah had to have been so deep. I’m so glad you had Vicky to help you through.

Karen Wylie:
Yes.

Gail Pope:
Yes, it's interesting, and I'm not going to tell another story, but you just made me think… a story that I do tell frequently is Frazier, who is like the star of BrightHaven over the years, because he lived to 34 as a cat.

Karen Wylie:
Mm-hmm.

Gail Pope:
But I've told the story many times of Frasier dying and coming back to life, and dying and coming back to life. And of course, there are quite a few other people that have been present at any one of his death experiences. So it’s interesting that he and Sarah were kind of in opposing stories, because hers was a little different. But he died, and then he came back—and he was able to do that. So that’s something else that I have to think about more now and kind of see, what were we missing then?

Karen Wylie:
So many of these things… we can’t see them at the time they’re happening. We just have to feel them. And then the little breadcrumbs, you know, come to… I call them breadcrumbs, that when you’re reflecting on something and you start saying, “Okay, so this happened, and then that led to this. And then there was also this…” and suddenly, they’re like little breadcrumbs that lead you to a whole new understanding.

Gail Pope:
Yes.

Karen Wylie:
And with both your story about Sarah and then Frasier, I think they both give us some evidence that they knew they were dying. Yes—they knew. They had this sense that they would be leaving soon.

It’s not surprising. You and I—we both see our animals, and all animals, as sentient beings. We believe they’re fully capable of this. And that if we look at them holistically, we’re not just talking about the physical pet care. We’re thinking of the emotional, the social… of the doulas—your animal doulas—circling Sarah in each room. Are they saying goodbye?

They obviously had a sense of something very important happening. Or that she went from room to room in a way of saying goodbye to the animals that hung out in those different parts of the sanctuary.

So when we’re talking so much about taking the pet’s perspective into consideration with everything we do, I think it’s even more so at the end of life. Because they often do have… in my opinion—obviously, I can’t prove—we get into what we believe and can’t necessarily prove… but I believe they have a sense of their impending physical death. And that changes their behavior.

And just like the stories you’re describing with Sarah and Frasier, the story I wanted to share that—was my most recent experience—was with Mr. Hope. A lovely brown tabby with little white feet who wandered into our yard… let’s see, that would be 18 and a half years ago. And so we inherited him from a neighbor who had moved away.

We were able to get in touch with her, confirm that he was about a year and a half at the time he came into our lives. And then, at age 14, he was diagnosed with hypertrophic cardiomyopathy.

And, you know, so we started monitoring him every-six-months. He was on monthly Adequan shots—I think I’ve spoken about that before—because it helps with arthritis and also has some blood-thinning properties, which can help the heart pump blood more easily.

And then, you know… he was with us for two and a half years after that diagnosis. So we went from Adequan shots with a little bit of blood-thinning capability, and that was fine for about a year. Then he went on Clopidogrel to try to stabilize and gain more rhythmic heartbeats.

Kidney disease started creeping up into the situation, as it often does. And then he needed blood pressure medication. So we were monitoring that every month. And then he started into congestive heart failure, where his lungs had a little bit of fluid. So he was started on Lasix. So, you know, we’re doing all these things. We’re definitely into the home stretch of hospice care.

In that last month, after the fluid in his lungs was identified—you know, our vet said it was just barely there, but she had heard something. We did the X-rays, and so we had our baseline of where he was. But he was in excellent shape. He was enjoying his life.

The last vet check that we had, he had lost a half a pound of weight. And with cats and kidney disease, the weight starts going off. And the first thing you’re wanting to do is try to keep that weight on. And I had ordered so many different wet foods.

The reason that was an issue is because Mr. Hope had been raised on the cheapest dry cat food, and I could never get him to eat… you know, the crème de la crème of the kibble—nor any wet foods. He wouldn’t have tuna. He wouldn’t have salmon. I mean, we tried. We tried fresh chicken. I mean, we tried it all.

But the day before he died, I had gotten in all these different cans—the smelliest, oiliest… you know, just—what would lure him? What would possibly get him to eat? And that little guy, on what turned out to be his last day, was eating a little bit of every single one of them.

Now, I mean at that point, he’s 16 and a half years old. We’d had him for 15 of those 16 and a half years. I’d never gotten him to eat these wet foods. And he’s, like—maybe three, four, five little bites of everything. And I’m like, “Oh, isn’t this wonderful? He’s feeling so much better. Oh, this is so good.”

Now it wasn’t like he’s going to make a miraculous recovery and the heart problems are going to go away. But that day, it was like: today’s a good day. You know, he’s in good shape. He’s stable.

And then that evening, as we’re sitting on the couch—my husband on one end, me on the other—and the Aussies… our two Aussies, Chey and Livy, are with us. And Hopey’s with us, which is a typical evening for us.

Gail Pope:
Family gathering.

Karen Wylie:
Yes, exactly. And Mr. Hope began an incredible evening with us. 

He liked to groom us—meaning he would lick our hair and our scalp. And of course, as you know, cats only groom each other… they only groom other cats they love. They don’t groom cats they don’t get along with. So in the cat world, this was—well, we always understood this was Hopey showing us his love and caring for us.

He’d take five minutes and go to town on my hair, and then he’d sit in my lap for five or ten minutes. And then he’d meander next to Chey, his younger brother and Aussie, who he raised. Hope had never been around any dogs, so having a puppy come into the house had been a big deal. But Hope and Chey got along beautifully. Chey was just there with his little eyes closed, letting Mr. Hope lick his face all over.

Then Hope went over to his daddy. And he’s grooming Tim like crazy. Tim had the shorter hair, so Tim always got longer grooming sessions than I did! And then he’s on Tim’s lap… I mean, it was just like—it was so wonderful.

And Livy came over to him—and Livy’s five times the energy of Chey, she’s an Aussie too—but she presented her head, and Mr. Hope licked her face maybe around half a minute. And it was just so wonderful. I’m thinking, “Isn’t this a great evening? Hope is feeling so much better.”

And I slept so well that night, because I’m thinking, “We’re on stable ground. Hope is in good shape.”

And… his heart stopped that night. He died in his sleep. And we found him on top of Chey’s crate, in his little bed, all curled up.

Karen Wylie:
Obviously, the heart just stopped. He didn’t—he barely even knew it. And I mean, if there’s ever, you know, if there’s ever a peaceful, lovely way you hope your animals are going to go, that’s it.

But then I was thinking of the previous day, and it was—for me, it was like, “Oh my God.” You know, the gift he gave us was extraordinary too. He was such a trooper for the two and a half years. I mean, at the end I was medicating him with five meds in the morning and five meds at night, and he tolerated every single thing—because, of course, he’d get a little Temptation at the end. Little reward.

But that last day, he gave a gift of the way he had always been with all of us.

Gail Pope:
Exactly. They sit in our hearts, don’t they?

Karen Wylie:
Yes. Yes. Last week was two years since he died—May 23rd. There are so many, and it’s all so beautiful. That’s the thing—it’s like, Tim and I will still cry about Mr. Hope because we think of that night and that day and so many aspects of his life with us. And it’s so wonderful. It’s all together. And they do give us these… these swan songs.

I think of his as a swan song because it took place over so much time. And yet it was a final gift as well.

Gail Pope:
Yes.

Karen Wylie:
Yes.

Gail Pope:
Now—as we’re talking, I have a flood of memories that are literally—you know, it’s almost as though in my mind there’s a picture of one cat, picture of another one, a dog in the middle, and they're saying, “But remember me, remember…”

So I think—I don’t know—but I’d love to tell some more of these stories. I think they’re certainly helpful and hopeful for us. They’re magical to remember—some of these wonderful incidents where animals have had these wonderful experiences… and then died.

Karen Wylie:
Yes.

Gail Pope:
You see, I’m sitting here, and my mind’s completely filled with them. So let’s continue this, shall we?

Karen Wylie:
Yes. I think that in the stories that you shared, and what I just described with Mr. Hope—they definitely know that death is arriving. They’re not going—they take too many actions to give us some solace afterward.

And in your case, when you’re describing all the animal doulas circling Sarah—they all knew. So somehow, somehow they know. And it’s attending to this kind of possibility that I think is one of the most wonderful gifts our animals can give us.

It really, really closes the chapter on their life—but in a very different way.

Gail Pope:
Yes.

Karen Wylie:
Very healing.

So I do hope that these moments, that can sometimes be misunderstood—you know, like me thinking Mr. Hope is stable and great, and instead, that was him getting ready to leave…

Sometimes it’s difficult because we’re hoping for recovery when we’re working with animals at end of life. We just—we want them to be with us as long as possible. But each of these experiences that we’ve had, and that are possible for everyone to have, can be so special and healing… for the rest of your life. I mean, for many, many years.

So with that, we will bring this conversation to a close. And I guess I just want to say that even in letting go at end of life, there can be a lot of love and a sense of connection that doesn’t end when the physical life does.

Gail Pope:
Okay.

Karen Wylie:
We will be sure to put some links to the silver cord information for you—for those of you who might be interested in learning a little bit more about that. And we will look forward to talking with you again next time. Thanks for being with us. Bye-bye.

Gail Pope:
Bye-bye.