Peace of Mind for Pet Parents Episode 028: Healing for the Highest Good: Beyond the Need to Cure

Episode Transcript: 

Karen Wylie: Hello and welcome back to Peace of Mind for Pet Parents. I'm Karen Wylie here as always with Gail Pope. Today we're going to be exploring a phrase that you'll hear often at BrightHaven: "Healing for the Highest Good."

It's one of the core principles behind Gail's Menu for Healing and it may surprise you because it's not about cure alone. Instead, it's about restoring balance and comfort for body, mind, and spirit. Whether a pet recovers and enjoys renewed life or continues gently toward the end of life. I've asked Gail to walk us through what this principle really means and how it can bring peace of mind to caregivers in both situations.

Gail, let's start out by defining the principle of healing for the highest good. Can you explain what you mean by “healing for the highest good” and how it's different from focusing only on curing illness?

Gail Pope: It should be an easy question and yet it's terribly difficult to really answer because the expression came to me over a long period of time as I learned, I think, mostly how to approach the end of life. Again, bringing in the words body, mind, and spirit. You are concentrating generally - I know I was - on the word cure. I'm going to cure the body. I'm going to stay happy and bright. My mind is going to help me to figure out the jigsaw puzzle.

It's really multifaceted but the principle I learned came over many years of learning about the different types of medicines and how they worked, and who was helped, and in which way. Also working through and learning about anticipatory grief and all of the various stages of dying and onward helped form the foundation for me. 

Probably homeopathy was a really big aid in developing this because it's working with energy. I think as I started to explore the field of energy more, I started to realize that we were giving medicine, in our case: homeopathy, we were giving a remedy and then we were waiting and watching and getting a sense and a feeling, and the energy— it all came together as healing. I think somebody once said to me, "Oh, it sounds like he's healing really well."

And I think maybe that triggered the thought of where he is in his dying process. It all started to come together.

"Yes, I'm offering healing but I don't know now if he's actually going to be approaching the end of his life in the next hours or days or weeks, or whether he's actually going to heal to live a lot longer or a little longer. There's no kind of immediate boundary there."

So it just came to me. If I know in my heart I'm doing this, whatever medicine I'm giving, to promote healing for his highest good, whether that be to continue walking the path of life or transitioning to the next life. It's not really for me to know that. All I can do is the same old thing I always say, "Do your best with love. Take baby steps and trust."

That way we don't know what the end's going to be. So offering healing for the highest good of that being in whatever way that turns out to be. I can't think of anything finer.

Karen Wylie: I think it's a lovely way to allow us as caregivers and pet parents to frame our pet's illness differently because we typically are focused on the cure, on turning around that illness, slowing down that condition, that we don't see the bigger picture that is in play.

Gail Pope: Yes, I think you've really hit the nail on the head with the word cure because I think it was at that time that I started realizing that my goal wasn't a cure. My goal was to help them to be the best they could be for however long they had. So it all fitted together a bit like a jigsaw because I don't get a diagnosis and think I've got to cure that, I get a diagnosis and I have the symptoms. To me, they're my guide to do the best I can for healing and that is for the highest good. If that is a cure, but again you have a question, "How do you define the word cure? How do we know if we have a cure?"

If you do X, Y, or Z treatment and your symptoms of cancer for instance go away, "How do you know you're cured?"

It's a big word, isn't it? And to me I don't focus on that, I focus on healing.

Karen Wylie: It's certainly the heart of the Menu for Healing because you describe the Menu for Healing as a Love Sandwich.

Gail Pope: Yes.

Karen Wylie: So could you just take a minute to walk us through what that means and why love begins and ends the menu?

Gail Pope: I think that's the path we all tread through life, isn't it? Because it really is all about love. The songs that we write or listen to, they're generally about love making the world go around. So I think we created, or the menu created itself as we took baby steps through learning different approaches. Figuring out what worked, what didn't seem to create a balance and that kind of thing. 

So we had our menu and at that point we were very Wholistic, (with the W in the front of holistic). Wholistically minded is the whole picture. It is just obvious because I guess I talk about it all the time and it's love. 

Love is the greatest healer and it just occurred to me, "Yes, it begins with love! And then hold on a minute, life ends with love too. Love is there at every stage in the game."

So it became the love sandwich because it really is all about love. Life is all about love.

Karen Wylie: It's a great visual because it shows every one of us a beginning and one anchors it all the way through even at the end.

Gail Pope: Yes, you can have different ingredients in the middle as well.

Karen Wylie: That's the thing! It can be a different kind of sandwich in the middle. It is going to be different for everyone, everyone and their pet regardless of whatever's going on in their lives. So let's talk a little bit more about the whole pet balance, the whole with a ‘W’ just like you were mentioning.

So you said healing's about restoring balance in the body, the mind, the spirit and the emotions. 

How does this show up in daily caregiving for a pet who's living with illness?

Gail Pope: The word love obviously comes straight back in again because that is the most important part of daily life. I think very often we don't elucidate these kinds of things because whether your loved one is on two legs or four legs, it's the same thing. It's all about, I guess as we preach, taking care of yourself so that you can care for somebody else.

The words fear, panic, worry, grief all start to creep in. So it comes back to taking time for yourself. Because the more we can relax into the moment, if we've got a cat or a dog who is approaching the end of life or who is dealing with an illness, then our heart panics, our bodies panic and we become tied up in this worry circle.

But meditation, Reiki, just taking a few moments and letting your breath go. You can be washing up, you can just let go here and there, and your animal knows that and they feel it. So it joins the Menu as you BEing with them, rather than watching. You care, you watch, you do. You've got to BE as much as you can because then they can BE with you and that's one of the most healing things I think that can ever happen.

Karen Wylie: I definitely would agree with you. So it's not just the whole pet balance but the whole person balance as you're talking about it which then of course is the whole relationship because whatever happens with the one, the other is affected.

Gail Pope: Yes.

Karen Wylie: Then of course we can get to the family layers that go beyond there. I think one of the concepts that also comes right out of what you were just saying is releasing attachment to the outcome. I've heard you use that many times. So can you explain why this mindset is so important for both the pet and the caregiver?

Gail Pope: The problem with it is that I don't think it's ever quite possible to do!

Karen Wylie: True, not completely. I'd agree. I don't think it is possible for us completely. Describe it for us, please.

Gail Pope: Picking out the principle. I'm doing my best. I'm doing it with love. I'm offering healing for the highest good, and I accept that may be for continued life or it may be for new life in another universe, who knows.

The more you keep visiting that thought and the reasoning behind it, the more it helps you to not hold on quite so much. If someone we love is approaching the end of life or in the dying process, it's very hard to separate your fear of the process, your fear of death, your fear that you're not doing enough, being enough, and should you do something more?

There are so many fears surrounding that part and just learning to let go and do your best with love. It sounds like a silly little comment and we've said it over and over again but it is probably one of the most powerful things because we don't stop and let ourselves go, " I'm so worried about him. Oh my God, this is awful. I wonder... Will it..."

All of those things sit in our mind, so if we can relax our mind a little, then our animal can “be” with us, but while we are tense and tight, we can't connect together. It's tough! It's probably one of the toughest lessons in life to deal with.

If you have a family member, a child perhaps who's ill, you are in that same situation. You don't know what the future's going to bring whether they may end up in hospital. But that's exactly the same approach and we learn as mothers do, "I've got to be there and I've got to laugh and joke. We have a sweet conversation and we are doing it to help relax them. And in turn, it helps us to let go because we know we have to be there for them."

Karen Wylie: I think it's an incredibly powerful way to begin looking at our pet's illnesses. I know for many decades I did not. I would be very focused on controlling everything and keeping all my notes and researching everything, even before Dr. Google came along. I was going to figure it out. I was going to extend every possible lifespan prediction and I guess that's what I love about this idea because acknowledging that at least some of what you're doing for your pet is about healing for the highest good, allows you to acknowledge the possibility that everything you're doing, and everything you're trying to control, may not succeed in this lifetime.

I think it's about as gentle a way to begin acknowledging possibilities, multiple possibilities for your pet and yourself. Because so often everyone is just so focused on saving your pet that when you're unable to do that, it's a crushing blow. 

Even believing in this, in releasing your attachment to the outcome and trying to say, "Some of what I'm doing is healing for the highest good regardless of whether I'm fortunate enough for my baby to stay with me or if they're going to move along to the next dimension."

But it just opens the door a little bit to perhaps not getting the result that you're hoping for and that you're working toward. I think that helps with anticipatory grief and I believe it helps with the grief later on. At least it has helped me.

Gail Pope: Yes, I totally agree with you. Another thought that just came up for me is about all the lessons that I've learned over so many years with so many animals and it's underscoring now how this all came about. Because if you read back through all the BrightHaven stories, there are an awful lot of animals who came to us to die and we cared for them, but a large number didn't die. A large number did very well. We were caring for them, knowing they were going to die. However, the way that we were working with them and learning how to be with them.

"Oh wow! He came here a year ago. I thought he was a hospice cat?"

"Actually he did really well!"

What about Frazier who didn't die until he was 34 and he had cancer in his twenties. We didn't aim to cure the cancer. We aimed to help him be the best he could be. So when animals have come to me in the past, I've accepted the fact inside of me that they're close to the end of life. I have no idea how long away that time is, and so I just do my best and very often they thrive. So I think that really sums up healing for the highest good.

Karen Wylie: It definitely does. That was actually going to be the very next question to ask you, which was when does healing actually mean renewed life energy? That's exactly what you're talking about where so many of them came to you with low energy, poor condition, diagnosed with God knows what, and the prognosis was not good.

You knew that but you didn't act on it and you just treated them like they were completely healthy and gave them what they needed and their lives were extended. It's rather extraordinary. I was going to ask you for an example or two of different pets.

Gail Pope: I can give you a hundred more if you like.

Karen Wylie: I know you could. I know you could!  Maybe we'll save that for the blog post. We know that if we approach healing for the highest good that we may have a renewed life energy from our pet. Maybe it stabilizes them for a short period of time or for a very long period of time.

Gail Pope: Yes.

Karen Wylie: But we also know that in some cases that's not going to be the case, because healing doesn't always mean recovery. It could just mean you're supporting a gentler transition as you're going forward. So if you can, can you share a little bit about how this principle can help caregivers when their pet is clearly on an end of life track?

Gail Pope: I think we already said it and it's that little teeny word that begins with B and ends in E. It's all about "Being." So I think once you get the principle of acceptance, living in the moment, it's all about love. It's all about the NOW. It's living in the “now” and making the present as good as it can be.

We don't know. None of us know what tomorrow may bring for us. We may step out of our house and get hit by a car, and here we are worrying about our dog who's sick. Living in the moment, being with and loving someone is the most important thing, isn't it?

If you do that, let's face it - how do you feel if someone loves you? How do you feel if someone's angry with you? Then think how you feel If someone says something absolutely so precious and you're like, "Awww"

See how it touches the heart. It's that heart to heart connection that is there to aid the healing process. We find that symptoms are our clues but we don't try to make them go away. We try to go in deeper. A different level. Again, I say at a different level. Any kind of illness is an out of balance situation in the body, so you know, it makes sense.

Karen Wylie: If a pet parent wanted to start putting this principle to use right away every day, what are two or three simple things they could do at home to bring healing for the highest good into their daily life?

Gail Pope: Spend time with their animal in nature, in love, in games. It's different for every being. What do they enjoy? What may mean the most? Cuddling up on the couch, watching TV with your dog in your lap, and cuddling and rolling again. You can do it in so many different ways. So I definitely think that is probably the most important thing, don't you?

Karen Wylie: I do. When I think of that often these days I have to make sure that I'm putting my phone off to the side. So that I have two hands to wrap around my pups and just focus completely on them as opposed to one arm around, one of them under my arm. But I'm really getting caught up on Facebook or I'm on a Google Doc because we're creating something— I'm multitasking.

It's important to not be multitasking all the time with your pet. Some of the time you end up just with demands of day-to-day life.

Gail Pope: The other thing as well, I think one of the most healing things that you can do, even if it's only going out into your back garden or a front patio or walking down the road, is just savoring mother nature and watching your animal. If it's a cat, you're probably going to be in the back garden and not down the road together! But it’s all about just savoring mother nature and being together in Mother Nature, preferably with bare feet so you can feel the energy a little better.

Karen Wylie: Grounding, yes.

Gail Pope: It is grounding and that creates a togetherness that can be in laughter, in fun, in play, in stealing the bird seed...

Karen Wylie: Definitely with the cats! Just letting them watch the birds from the window is often enough for them to be thrilled. They can dream about what they would do if they got through that glass!  I think what I get from what you're describing, both in terms of immersing yourself in Mother Nature and also just sharing yourself with your pet, being with your pet completely,  is how important it is for us to get beyond the illness. 

Because that's what both of those suggestions involve. 

That's really hard to do especially when an animal is on an end of life track or we don't know for sure whether treatment is working or whether they're stabilizing and we just don't know. It's really difficult to continue to allow ourselves to be immersed in the world outside of the illness. So both of your suggestions of walking the dog, holding the cat in the protected garden and just BEING is a way to get beyond seeing your pet as primarily illness— where it's all about the regimen of pills in the morning and what needs to be done in the middle of the day and night. It's very easy for the caregiver to become all about the daily tasks rather than just “being”, as you're saying.

Gail Pope: I think this is where Reiki or the various forms of energy work come in. For me anyway, to have been able to practice Reiki, which is a huge part of our menu and to be with an animal in a space of meditation is so healing for both. When you are working with an energy form of healing, you're not focused on the symptom, you are focused on the being. Duh! Healing for the highest good. We can't know what the outcome's going to be but we do know that this amazing energy that we are blessed with, can be very healing. Otherwise, why would millions of people go to places like Lourdes every year?

Karen Wylie: All anyone really has to see is the response of their pets when they are laying down and you have your hands on them. Just either slowly stroking them or just having your hands still and watch what'll happen in 30 to 60 seconds,  when your pet just becomes so relaxed and loves the energy they're drinking in. It's just beautiful.

Gail Pope: I find working with cats especially, but with all animals, I find that you can feel the energy of Reiki. We don't put our hands on the animals. We generally work in the air above and the feeling of that energy between your hand and the animal, you can actually really feel how very powerful it is. Some cats may invite you to put your hand on them, whereas for the most part, we found that they will be sitting and we are sitting…. and they relax, they roll over, they snooze, they just bask in it.

It is absolutely beautiful. Some want to be touched and some don't and it's just as powerful either way. Lots of stories there but I won't bore you with them today.

Karen Wylie: If it's my own pet, my hands are going to be all over them. I can't help myself although I will put my hands eight inches or so above when I want to be gauging energy. But I'm with you especially if it's an animal I don't know. I'm not going to invade their space. But my own babies, they expect my hands to be all over them. That's just the way it rolls here. I think we've covered many aspects of what healing for the highest good can mean and how each of us can benefit from putting it into play in our daily lives and in our relationships with our pets. So let me ask you for some final words of comfort and encouragement. What would you want to say to someone who's struggling with the uncertainty of wanting to do the very best for their beloved companion?

Gail Pope: How many words am I allowed?

Karen Wylie: I'll cut you off if you go over!

Gail Pope: I think we just really come back to that same old "It's all about love" because that provides the greatest balance for everything in life. To me, it's all about love and a heart to heart connection.

Karen Wylie: It begins and ends with love and that is so beautiful, Gail. I think what you've shared today is probably a real gift for a lot of caregivers who are searching for hope as they're caring for their pet but they also need a sense of peace when the outcome isn't certain. "Healing for the highest good" reminds all of us that love and presence are what really matter most - no matter what path our companions are on ultimately. 

So I hope all of you listening or watching today, take some comfort with you as you walk beside your pets. We thank you for being with us today on Peace of Mind for Pet Parents, and we hope that we'll see you again next week.

Thank you. Bye-bye.

Gail Pope: Thanks. Bye.