Peace of Mind for Pet Parents Episode 040: How Your Pet Stays Connected to You After Death

Episode Transcript: 

Karen Wylie: Hello and welcome back to Peace of Mind for Pet Parents. I'm Karen Wylie, here as always with my dear friend and co-host Gail Pope. Last week, we opened up a much bigger conversation than we realized, about the heart and soul connection that we share with our animals, especially as they begin their transition out of their physical bodies.

We promised that we would pick up where we left off and so here we are. So Gail, you said something last week as we were finishing up and it really stayed with me. You said we're on the edge of a new conversation and you wondered aloud at that point, "How does this connection continue after they've left their body?" 

So that was where we left everyone hanging at the end of last week's episode!

That’s where I'd like us to begin picking up. So first, how do pets stay connected with us in some way after death? 

The first thing I thought we could address is how they stay connected to their bodies for a short while after their physical body has died. I was hoping you would tell us a little bit about how you began learning about Tibetan Buddhism and this idea of the "Bardos," and the pace at which the soul leaves the human body or the pet body.

Gail Pope: Oh my gosh, you're not asking much again, are you? My mind is going in circles here and taking me back. 

I think for many years I was aware of energy or maybe I was living in our new age and familiar with the word, and not really maybe quite connecting with it on any deeper level. Little by little, I guess, we actually began our honoring process of the body at BrightHaven before it really had struck me as deeply as it does these days. It made sense to honor the body, the physical house that our animals had lived in, and that became the three day process. 

It was around that time when I started learning a lot more about Buddhism. Science, and spirit spirit. It all started to become entangled in the things that I was interested in, "Oh, I'm interested in reading this, or I'm interested in reading that."

It all started to weave together to show me that we can't know exactly what happens and when it happens, but we can attune ourselves to feel when it happens. So when a being dies, sometimes, I know people have said this to me before, "I felt him leave his body. He wasn't there."

That was one of the first things I did feel with a very old little lady called Alice. It was very clear that this was her body and that she was no longer present. There was absolutely nothing at all. 

Yet in others there would be that warm, delicious, energetic feeling. So little by little, as I started to learn more about the phases of the Bardo after death in Tibetan Buddhism, my eyes got bigger and bigger. So I think it has to be wise to say that we know at all levels that the spirit exists and that at death it may or may not remain in the body but with the body. Again, we don't know for how long. Sometimes maybe the spirit comes and goes back again. I guess because we like things to be cut and dried, "How long?". It's like we have these questions and we want an answer, a definitive one. But, it just doesn't work that way, does it?

Karen Wylie: No, it's especially wishful thinking when an idea is new to us and we're really trying to get our brain around it and understand. "Give me the boundaries here. Tell me this, make it a little more black and white."

Yet this is definitely whenever we're talking about death and dying, if ever there's a gray area, this is it. There is no black and white answer we can really give you on any aspect of it. 

But as you're describing this, I know as you were beginning to have a different experience and observation of it at BrightHaven, you then were asked to help at a veterinary convention where they were going to be doing a lab that afternoon. Animal bodies from a local shelter had been brought in to help the veterinarians learn euthanasia procedures. The presenter who was organizing the event, knew you and knew how you were looking at the world, and she asked you to come in prior to the presentation, right?

Gail Pope: Goodness gracious. Yes, that does take me back in time. It was more about Reiki. The invitation was more about the energy of Reiki and just wondering if it could make a difference. Students come into the room when the doors are open and there's a particular energy in the room when everybody arrives. And she said, "I'm just wondering because we have maybe 10 dead bodies here that we want to honor, and we don't want to have a fearsome atmosphere for the students. So I don't know, but would you be open to giving it a try?"

And I said, "Gulp!" My mind was saying, "No, don't do it. Don't do it."

Of course I said yes because how could I not? So that became one of probably the most important experiences in my entire life. 

In fact, it's almost bringing me to tears just thinking about it. Because what I found was— I sat in the middle of that room and they set up tables for the students to visit one by one to work on different procedures. In the middle there were a few chairs, so you could just sit and relax. So I sat down in one of those chairs feeling really, "I have no idea what to do. Do I just sit in the Reiki space and let it go?"

So I did a little bit but I think my mind was too busy with "Oh my goodness. There's a dead body over there and Oh my, there's a dead body..."

I just couldn't really let go. So I decided to get up and visit the animals. 

What I found, it could be a very long story, but what I found was that there were a couple where there was nothing. I put my hands on the animal. I always seemed to get energy better in the atmosphere above the animal. So I tried both and there was nothing and so I thought. "Okay I'm no good at this. I'm not going to get anything." 

So I went to the next animal, a beautiful little dog and "Oh my word. Oh, I'm goose bumpy already, gosh."

So I was having to try and let go of me and be with it, more than panic or get excited. That was difficult at the beginning but this was really tangible. It was almost like, "Hello, I'm here."

So I stayed and then I went from cats to dogs to cats to dogs. Overall, I got a response of one kind or another from, as I say, all but about two of those animals. 

It was a revelation. 

It was exciting in some ways. It was strange and bizarre in others. But by the time I finished and we were getting ready to bring the students into the room, the veterinarian shared that she felt the energy and also that the helpers had also felt it. The room felt warm and welcoming now. 

So we actually did that process for two or three years in the future. I don't know if they still do something like that now, but I would very much expect so.

It just was so educational for me. It just became heart centered instead of mind led. It was an experience that led me to actually - with one of the animals - burst into floods of tears. With another one I smiled, and another one almost made me laugh. So it was not only the energy but feelings that came with that energy too. If that makes sense, but wow.

Karen Wylie: Yes, it makes a lot of sense and one of the reasons I wanted to invite you to share that story with everyone is because this was a situation where all the animals had been euthanized. When you and I typically are talking about the process of death and dying - or dying and then death, we'll really have to put it in that order!  We're looking at the process of natural death, natural transition, because that's how, for us, most of our animals have died that way.

Yet it's important for those who need to euthanize their animal, that they understand that the soul, as you're describing it with these animals who had all been euthanized, you were still readily able to sense the soul in or with most of them. Perhaps with the two that you didn't feel anything, maybe those souls had already moved on.

Gail Pope: Exactly. I'm actually thinking now that my memory may be wrong. Maybe they weren't all euthanized. There could be natural deaths amongst them but what was most striking is, I hadn't even really thought about it. I just assumed they had all been euthanized, but there wasn't any different energy. The soul was still there. That was very beautiful.

Karen Wylie: The souls could be in various stages of leaving.

Gail Pope: Yes, yes, I'm sure.

Karen Wylie: Which of course is why if you look at the Bardos and look at the 7 week process, the 49 days that are described for humans. It's quite a process that the soul undertakes after leaving the physical body. So I was thinking about that story.

Gail Pope: I'm just thinking that I am now still in the process of actually trying to learn about all of this. It's just the most fascinating journey of learning.

Karen Wylie: And we're learning all the time which is why we're always so enthusiastic about it. Every time we even have our conversations, we usually discover something new which is always great. 

So I think describing that in terms of how the pets stay connected to their bodies is one aspect. But then of course we're also talking about how the animals stay connected with us. What that process is like and how we can perhaps encourage it more or tune into it more. 

Do you feel that the bond we have with our animals changes in more than form when they leave their physical body and then in spirit? Does the strength of the bond change or is it just the form of the bond that changes?

Gail Pope: I would say probably a hundred percent it's the form because we know many people have experiences with their loved ones, whether they're on two legs or four legs or eight. They have experiences where they know without a shadow of a doubt. There will be paws on the bed or there's something strange up near the ceiling.

We talk about those things so we know darn well that it carries on. I tend to think, from my own experience or from my own thoughts based on my own experience, that it's more up to us. 

I think our animals want to be in contact with us, but I think sometimes they have to find the right bridge in the energy of the universe to be able to reach us if we believe that they live on.

We understand a little of this world of energy that we all inhabit. Then they really are only a thought away - but how is that thought processed? They may be trying to reach us but can't get through. We're trying to reach them and can't get through. Hence, animal communicators come into the program here or mediums.

Let's face it, it's all the same thing. Some people prefer to help humans and some to help animals. I think it really is for us to learn and again I make a distinction here because I think we can learn forever. But until we actually relax into that learning, we are not going to be in the right place to create a better energy.

Karen Wylie: And when we do lose our pets, it's those first hours and first days and first weeks that are so difficult, and the grief is so immense and overwhelming, that we want to hear from them then. 

Depending on how strong your distress is, that may well be the blockage and your pet just really can't get through. Generally said to people who want to hear from their human loved ones right away after death but they're not really ready to receive it, because their vibration, their frequency, is so much lower. 

So we generally have to have more of, I say a meeting of the minds but it's really more of a meeting of vibration and frequency. So that if they do provide you with a sign and come to see you, that you're able to feel it.

First of all, you have to be open to it. You have to believe it can happen and you have to trust that it will happen for you. I've certainly had people say, "You know, exactly what are the signs, what do I look for?"

Again it's not that easy. It's going to be very personalized for you— your life, your house, your relationship with your pet who's crossed over, your relationship with the other animals in the family. Maybe that's how a sign will come through. 

I know that when I was in training to enhance my psychic and mediumship skills, that I was telling one of my favorite teachers, also named Sarah. We always talk about Sarah the cat but this is Sarah the psychic medium trainer. And in one of my classes which I want to say was on connecting with angels, I think that's right, I kept falling asleep during the meditation. 

You and I complain so often about how neither of us can take an afternoon nap and it's just so hard for both of us to relax that much during the workday.

Yet, every time I was in that class on a Tuesday afternoon, it wouldn't even take five minutes and suddenly 25 minutes had gone by and I'm waking up and I had said to my teacher, "I've never had this happen to me. It is the weirdest thing. I can't believe I'm losing out on learning how to make this connection."

She started laughing at me and she said, "Karen, sometimes it's a little easier for Spirit to re-wire you if you just get out of your own way."

It was like, "Huh?" 

So sleeping— you're not letting your doubts, your objections, you're not wondering, "How the heck is this going to happen?" 

When you’re sleeping, all of that would be gone. So it was like, "Oh my God", because I'm so analytical. I could easily see why it was just easier for them to help me go to sleep and let it all happen. So that's one of the things I always suggest is that when people, right before they go to bed, to use their pet's name and ask them to come visit them. Come give them some kind of a sign.

Then of course when you're asleep, your vibration's going to be a little higher. You're not worried, you're not doubting, you're not wondering— you're just sleeping. 

The other thing is that you often need more time just to see a sign come through.

It's not like you ask for it and it's right there. Spirit can do a lot of things, but sometimes they need to arrange the coincidences or the synchronicities in a way that you will understand. So really being open to it for a day or two. 48 hours is a good rule of thumb if you're asking them for a sign. But there's so many different ways they can come through, you've certainly sensed the energy in a room changing.

Gail Pope: Oh and also sleep. I think one of the most frustrating things that I've ever had to deal with is when I've had a really powerful dream in the middle of the night or maybe in the very early hours, like 3 or 4 o'clock in the morning. I'm in that in-between, delicious, starting to wake up stage with this amazing dream where Ollie or Purrci or Rosie or Ziggy or Richard and boom! I'm awake and it's all gone. It's there really clear for one second and boom, it's gone again. That is so frustrating but it's also uplifting as well. It really is.

I think I have an interesting thing going on here now because at the back of my house, I have a patio and I have three lanterns hanging at the top of the patio which are solar. So they absorb the sunshine during the day and then they come on at night and then alongside in the actual garden, I have a hummingbird. It's not a feeder, it's like a display of hummingbirds on a long string and they too, are solar. 

It's really interesting— I didn't realize it at first, but little by little I started to realize that it was Richard's way of connecting with me because it would be sunny and all of the solar lights are on in the morning.

Now when it got dark, they would all be on and then at other times they'd be on but one would be off or vice versa. There hadn't been enough sun, so those three weren't on and I'd look up and "Oh yes, miserable day today. Oh!" And then there's the hummingbird feeder with all six hummingbirds lit up in different colors and very bright. "That's weird. How did…? That's odd."

So it didn't really hit me at first and then I found that I was actually out with Ollie…He was going to potty in the garden and I had a funny conversation with the hummingbirds. I was saying which colors I liked and I said, "Of course, I like the blue one best. So could you go to blue next?"

Instantly it flashed blue at me and very often I now go outside and I'll look at it and say, "I see you", and it'll flash blue.

Karen Wylie: Oh, how wonderful.

Gail Pope: Isn't that lovely? And it's the only connection other than a couple of times, but more in the early days after my husband's passing, my radio either in the car or in the home would just suddenly switch itself on and play something that was a popular piece for both of us - or just for me. That was even more powerful when it was something I knew he wasn't particularly bothered about. 

But I think our animals and our humans do try. They know, and I think they perhaps reach us in our dreams more than we even realize.

In other ways, we are just simply not attuned. We are not ready or able quite at that point. Maybe there's a reason why we're not— it just is what it is. But I think if we can relax and go with the flow, sometimes when we are least expecting something, it will be.

Karen Wylie: Yes, and that's usually when we're not putting up any barriers that could get in the way if we're not expecting it. So invoking your animal's name is one of the things to be doing. As we're saying, right before you go to sleep, to ask them to come to see you, to give you a sign, "Here, I'm here."

I'm anticipating that a lot of the people who are listening or are watching this haven't done this a lot in terms of trying to get a connection going with an animal who has passed over. 

So that's why I'm suggesting these kinds of things. A  lot of us have heard about automatic writing, right? Where your writing is channeled. It doesn't have to be where somebody comes and takes over your hand and arm, although that can happen. 

But if you're journaling and you're just writing. Our mind is in a different place. We're in a kind of a creative place when we're writing, especially if we're using our hands. We're actually handwriting and not using our keyboards. But that's also a time that a lot of people report they feel they get a sign from their animals through writing.

I certainly have found that when I'm painting and I'm focused on color and I'm in my own little zone, that's always a really good time for me to also receive signs or signals.

Gail Pope: You've just summed it up there, haven't you? Because you are immersed in your painting and your mind just got out of the way. 

So it makes perfect sense, doesn't it? 

I did just think of something else you'd said earlier about “it's difficult for them to connect when you are overwhelmed with grief.” I think I found, not the opposite of this statement, but in some ways, the opposite of that to be true for me, because over the years I learned to grieve with animals before they died.

Then after they died, it was about honor and celebration. So I guess I'm in a slightly different place because it's during those days that actually if I am going to be able to feel, I do feel them. Not always but sometimes. I'm just realizing because I'm in a slightly different place.

Karen Wylie: I think what this speaks to is something you and I have talked about at other times, and that is that we both have had a number of experiences with losing pets. Certainly through the decades at BrightHaven Sanctuary, you were taking care of a lot of senior pets and were also supporting a lot of them as they left this planet.

There is an aspect of this that you can become— I don't know if I want to say comfortable with them leaving because I never want them to leave. I will fight for them to stay with me just as long as possible. But then there does come a time when it becomes clear one way or the other that they can't stay anymore. 

As you say, the physical house that they've been living in is not going to support continued life for very long. 

So as our last segment here to talk about, I'd like us to talk about how to begin to change the bond that you have with them when you're hanging onto them, not wanting them to leave this physical realm?

Yet they need to go. You've shared a story about Sarah the cat previously, and if you would recount that story for people who may not have heard it. We did it one other time in the spring on a podcast, but could you briefly share the story?

Gail Pope: Let me see if I can be brief. Okay, so let me skip to the end of the story. Sarah is dying and...

Karen Wylie: You adored her and she adored you. You guys had a very strong bond.

Gail Pope: Yes. Oh, absolutely. She just touched my heart the minute she arrived and we belonged to each other. Soulmates, it was wonderful. 

Anyway, I was sitting on the couch with my husband beside me. Sarah was in my lap in her dying process and every now and again, she would go into the act of leaving her body. She would kick, she would do all the things that you are accustomed to in dying. Then she would relax and she'd be back.

In those days, I wasn't particularly comfortable with the process unless it was easy, but Sarah's wasn't easy. She didn't appear to be in pain. It was hard to know. She kept having these spasms but then she'd be looking at me. Then she wouldn't and I was pretty hysterical. Richard was trying to soothe both of us. 

At that time we had a volunteer. I've talked about Vicki I think many times. So probably most people listening will already know who Vicki was. Vicki was an animal communicator and so I asked Richard to telephone her and ask her for help. "What's going on here?"

I was still new to the world of animal communication, fairly new at that point. So I was still a little bit on the fence about it but someone's got to do something. She can't leave her body, that is all we could see. 

It's like she wants to die - and she can't. 

It was a Sunday, by the way, so otherwise I probably would've called her vet. So Vicki came on the line and she was very stern. She told me to calm down and just listen to her. She talked about angels, seraphims, cherubims, round and around. I was actually feeling upset, tearful, and a little irritated. I didn't know where this was going. And she said, "Okay, so now we have two cords that are keeping you and Sarah joined."

She talked about a cord from the belly button and a cord from the heart. Basically what she wanted me to do was to concentrate very carefully on the belly button cord because she said, "You have to let her go. A part of you will not let her go. So I want you to listen to me. I'm going to count to three and on the count of three, I need you to cut that cord. So I need you to really concentrate."

So I did and when she said three, I imagined cutting that cord. Sarah at that moment looked up into my eyes, then gasped, and she was gone just like that. That was astonishing and it was a huge lesson and as I step into the slightly different mind world that I live in now, I tend to understand it a bit better, don't you?

Karen Wylie: Yes, how did Vicki explain the second cord to you that you were not to cut?

Gail Pope: Oh, I'm sorry. I missed the second cord out.

Karen Wylie: And that's why I'm here— to just make sure because it's a lovely story. 🙂

Gail Pope: I was focused on how I could let her go, but obviously the other cord was the heart cord joining us from heart to heart, and to eternity. Again I go goosey even when I think about that because Sarah's here, she's with me now. It is just that thought and that lovely ripple of energy that you get when you get goosebumps. You just know that it's such a very powerful thing. So I think us as people learning about letting go - and what that actually means -  is perhaps the most important thing.

Karen Wylie: Yes and that's where I ended up. I had never heard about this story until you told it. About the Silver Cord, it's such a beautiful way to approach the end of life. Doing what you need to do as the caregiver, as the pet parent and what your pet needs, to be let go of the physical and for their soul to move on, while knowing that your hearts stay connected.

Like I said, I never heard that story before but ,somewhere 10 or 15 years ago, I stopped fighting the process. Until then, death was like a war I was having. I wasn't going to let my baby go and I would do anything and everything to just keep them in this world, even when I should have been letting them go.

So it is that learning to let go that I did end up having, and finding peace with, because I learned how to observe what was happening for my pet through the dying process. Because even when they're starting to make the turn toward a dying process, they're still very communicative. 

It's not like they're just laying down and you never have a chance to be with them. Their bodies generally gradually die. We're talking about a natural transition here. So I would observe what was changing with them and understanding when they realized they couldn't fight it anymore— when they realized they couldn't stay. For me, that answers the question of "Is it time?"

Gail Pope: I was just thinking the same thing.

Karen Wylie: So for me, my answer to the question of "Is it time?" That's often used about, "Oh, is it time for euthanasia?" 

That's not how I look at it. I am observing my pet and I see a change in their expression between them trying to stay, wanting to stay, believing they can stay, and then understanding that they cannot.

When I see that, that's when I know I have to let go. 

I have to begin letting go because the time is coming and I have to let them make their choices, and let their body stay if it can, and go if it has to and when it has to. 

So whether it's a story about cutting the cord or finding a way in observing your pet where you feel comfortable knowing that there's been a shift and that you have to accept what's happening for them and for yourself. I think both processes can bring us peace.

Gail Pope: Yes, you've just taken me back in time to, oh gosh, a recent time. In fact, when my beloved Purrci, whose picture sits on my desk with me and he stares at me every day. But when he was in his dying process, I'm just recalling now, at one point my daughter said to me, "Mom, do you think that maybe he's just hanging on here because of you? Maybe it would be a good thing for you to leave the room for a little bit or something?"

Duh. That's what she picked up— I wasn't letting him go. I hadn't realized that I was doing everything I could to support his passing, of course, but on a deeper level, I was not letting him go.

Karen Wylie: And really he took a turn for the worst fairly quickly in an unexpected way. It's not surprising that you weren't ready.

Gail Pope: Exactly. I hadn't really thought about this. Just telling the stories, now I'm suddenly connecting the dots. So yes, it's a very powerful conversation.

Karen Wylie: Yes, it is. As always with you.

Gail Pope: And you.

Karen Wylie: One of the many reasons I love you is because we can have these conversations every day, and learn every day about loving our pets and learning so much from them. I guess then, is this a good time to finish up? Shall we say we've done this conversation? Or is there anything else you would like to add?

Gail Pope: You know what? I was just going to say, I think we are very much done and dusted. We will say goodbye, "Thank you for being..." and one of us will say, "Hey, we didn't talk about so and so."

Karen Wylie: That's right. That's right. And then we'll say, we'll do that next week. That's how it'll go. 

If you have an interest in some of our discussion about our pet's souls and the process of leaving their bodies. We do have our "Soul-Centered Pet Care" booklet that is available in the BrightPathForPets.com/bca-shop where you can find a PDF and purchase. 

There is also Gail's Silver Chord Meditation which she narrates. So both of those are available at the BrightPathForPets.com/bca-shop 

Thank you Gail as always and thank you for sharing time with us today. 

Whether your pet is nearing the end of their lives or maybe has already passed or is simply aging beautifully by your side. It's important that you know and trust that the heart and soul connection that you share with your pet is real. It will endure and it is unbreakable. 

Trusting in that will allow some of these signs that you're probably hoping to feel and see and learn from, to come through to you. I hope so. Bye-bye now. Thanks.

Gail Pope: Thank you. Goodbye.