Peace of Mind for Pet Parents Episode 042: Creating a Sanctuary Space for Your Ill or Aging Pet

Episode Transcript: 

Karen Wylie: Hello, and thank you for joining us for Peace of Mind for Pet Parents. I'm Karen Wylie here, as always with Gail Pope. Today we're going to talk about something that seems pretty simple on the surface but it can make a profound difference in your pet's comfort level and your own peace of mind. So we're going to talk about creating a sanctuary space in your home for a pet who's dealing with some kind of an illness— whether it's chronic, difficult, or ultimately a terminal diagnosis.

We've talked a lot about mobility aids and adaptive equipment and things like that. But today we're going to go a little deeper in talking about the whole environment that your pets have in your home: the lighting, the sounds, the temperature, the emotional feeling in a space. 

Because Gail and I have both learned through many decades of caregiving, that where your pet lives matters as much as the medical treatments that they might be getting. 

So as we think about this, Gail, you created sanctuary spaces for just a few pets over the years! I'm looking forward to hearing what your thoughts are about creating and really making a space that truly supports the healing and comfort of the pet.

When you think about a sanctuary space, whether you were creating at BrightHaven or any of the pet parents that you helped create one in their own home, what are some of the first things you consider?

Gail Pope: It is not a subject I've really ever thought about.

Karen Wylie: You just did it. You just did it all.

Gail Pope: Yes, exactly. The first part of my answer is… I'm thinking back to the sanctuary and I'm also thinking of the present and how those two things fit together, sanctuary and safe space. 

Then I realise that I think what we all start with is our house, the actual house that the animals live in with us. The environment that we've created generally with the front door, so we're all shut in. It's the ambiance. Maybe, I think in the early days of BrightHaven, Feng Shui came into my mind or into my life rather, and made some changes in the way I started to look at energy and feel the energy of a room move and be different.

If there's something kind of blocking the flow from where the door comes in, you can feel it when you start to step into that environment. So I think it really is the house. The animal plays a huge part in that because however, let's face it, probably most of our audience have had a cat or a dog sometime and they've bought them a new bed. They've put it in that perfect place and the animal goes, "Very nice but I'm not going in that."

Then you move it somewhere else or the dog even picks it up and says, "Can’t you see? I wanted to be here." So it's working together as a team and some may like squishy beds that they can climb into and be cuddly. Luckily for us at the sanctuary, we had lots of different types of beds with high sides, low sides, walk-in, climb-in— all sorts of different options and they could choose what they wanted.

So I think sanctuary has to be a two-way street. As animals get older, what was practical for them at one point may not be practical for them in later years or in illness. At that point, you have to start looking, as you said, at mobility and do they need steps? Do they need a ramp? Do they just need a bed on the floor? 

We had a wonderful bed donated to us at one time which you've probably seen in photographs. It was for Ollie. Ollie was a dachshund getting close to the end of his life. He'd lived in a wheelchair pretty much 24 hours a day, maybe not that much, for all the years he was with us but then as he started to decline towards the end of his life, it was really clear.

For a while he could still be in his chair for a little while, and other times he would not want to be in his chair at all. But to find the proper bed, oh!, and it came along by mail. It was a four-poster, a traditional four-poster bed, handmade for this dog. It was incredible. It was probably about, I don't know, maybe five foot by three foot. 

It had four posts, one in each corner, and it was literally maybe only 6 inches off the floor. In the early part when he was using it, he could actually get himself off and on it but later on he couldn't. 

But it was the perfect sanctuary. That came into my mind as sanctuary for him and for the rest of the family, because all the other cats and dogs could take turns and share. He usually had five or six cats with him, not dogs quite so often. Generally, they were a little bit bigger and the cats were more his bosses than anything, as cats will.

But yes, the perfect sanctuary is based on the environment, the ambiance, I think the music, the noise or non-noise can be very important, and the position. So yes, it's a team effort.

Karen Wylie: Did you notice a difference between dogs and cats? What they needed, what they preferred, or how they adapted over time?

Gail Pope: I think probably— Ooh gosh, I've got so many memories that I have to try and go back through. I think overall, there was a pretty big difference in cats and dogs. Mainly because of the abilities of cats. Even cats scooting on their bottoms could still skim up a six foot cat tree very often. Talya was famous for having people be *shocked*.

But in general, cats have got more bendable bodies. They are more mobile and efficient at jumping, climbing. Dogs are much more steady at ground level or on the couch maybe. So I think there's a little bit of difference but each still has the ability to choose their favorite safe place.

Karen Wylie: Right, where it's very much an individual personalized process.

Gail Pope: I think so. It has to be. Otherwise it wouldn't be involving the animal. So many times, I'm sure many other people have done, you've created this beautiful space and then you find the cat in an old bed in the corner of a different room. So you have to go with the flow and see what they want. Towards the end of life, quite often a cat or even a dog— smaller dogs particularly…. make sure you leave your closet door open and you'll find one of them curled up in a corner. They wanted somewhere quiet. That was for some reason what they chose.

Others may curl up under the bed. And as humans very often, especially when an animal's not well, the instinct is, "Oh, come on, you can't be under there." And you pull them out. Maybe you shouldn't, maybe you should just allow.

Karen Wylie: Yes, that's a great point to bring out and it's the kind of thing I've experienced too. Where, especially more with cats than with dogs, but whether cats or dogs, they all still have been able to rely on their bodies. The strength of their bodies for their safety, for expressing themselves, for getting out of a particular situation that is uncomfortable or something they have fear about. 

So then when they're getting sicker and less mobile and have less immediate response from their bodies, that's certainly when I would see more of, not necessarily withdrawal. Not where they wanted to be totally away from everything but because they know they don't have the same strength and control over their body to get out of there if they need to.

So they seem to like getting into the corner of the couch more than being out on the arm, or they're just seeking something that gives them a little more I guess, a sense of physical safety. I see more of that with the cats than the dogs, I think. 

But I've always had larger dogs too. My Aussies are the smallest I've had, and they're still pretty big. I do think as their illnesses progress and they have less control and confidence in their body, that they do start changing their preferences of what is considered the best place or a good place - or a safe place.

Gail Pope: I think that's true, especially, if you think about it from the human standpoint. When we don't feel well or we're out of sorts or just not ourselves or just plain getting older, we have a certain vulnerability that appears. 

When you feel vulnerable, what do you do? You look for comfort. So yes, you just described exactly that. That was really occurring to me. I'm just thinking we had a cat called Spotty one time, a very innovative name, especially as she was a striped tabby. She was adorable. However, she was fearful.

Once she was free to go where she wanted to in the house, that became under my bed and that cat lived under my bed for a whole year. She would come out in the dead of night occasionally and just peek around and I would sit and talk to her and then she'd go back. It took her a whole year before finally, one day she literally strutted into the middle of the living room and said, "Hi, everybody! Oh, are you taking treats around?"

Her vulnerability was such that she had to have that sanctuary for as long as she needed it, not ours to judge. It was up to when she just had the urge to be who she was. So I think we have to really remember that with our animals that as they age, become less mobile or have an illness, that they are going to want a different kind of environment that feels more safe and comfortable.

Karen Wylie: Yes and I would say too, that whatever disease or condition they have does affect their ability to move their body that you tend to see more of an extreme or need for safety. At least that's what I've seen.

Gail Pope: As well as one other thing that I think perhaps sometimes people neglect to think about; although they will get reminded eventually. For cats would be the litter box particularly. The litter box has always been downstairs and now they're upstairs and people don't think to necessarily either provide another one upstairs. Particularly in the earlier days when going up and down the stairs isn't so easy, but they're still doing it— that kind of thing, having always had the litter box in this room.

Now she's more comfortable in the living room and she's spending more time there. So let's take the litter box and then you can move that conversation straight into the water bowls conversation too. Maybe moving the litter bowls or having an extra litter bowl. If they come to the kitchen to eat, there's probably going to be one there but if they're in bed a lot more, let's have another one there.

Karen Wylie: So the placement of everything is important and also then the height.  I always start choosing the litter boxes, litter pans with the shorter height. So it's easier for them to get in and out. The same thing with feeding and water bowls where you can get them where they're raised up so that they're not craning their little necks down. So you can start thinking about other ways you can adapt to what's going on with them.

Gail Pope: I was just thinking about these lovely pictures that come into my mind. Okay, so today you're going to meet Molly. Molly was a beautiful orange lady. She was just delightful. She'd come to us when an elderly lady simply couldn't care for her anymore, and she made her home in my kitchen on the countertop. You've seen photographs. We had several beds there. 

But Molly chose, actually, she had to help me. She explained it to me because she went into the kitchen and onto the countertop, because there was a convenience step stool so animals could get up if they needed to. She sat down by one of the fountains. That was on like a little L shaped piece that came around the corner, and she sat on this piece facing the fountain.

She had a drink and then she sat down. She looked around and she looked up, and across the bar there were three big, lovely, cozy baskets and she looked at those. She looked at me. She stayed where she was. I don't know how long it took me but eventually the thought came into my mind. I wonder if I should put a bed on that countertop there? I wonder if she'd like that? 

And so that was it. 

She lived there until she was dying. Then she got down one day and she walked very slowly all the way to our clinic. She'd never even been in there before that we knew of, and she sat down, looked up at our big wet table in the middle.

I thought this is really bizarre, really bizarre. So I picked her up and sat her in the wet table and she just sat there and then she laid down and I said to Blanca, "She can't stay here. What are we going to do?" (Blanca said) "Well, I'm in here. I'm going to keep an eye on her. You can come back if a volunteer comes."

So we let her do that. She ended up there for the last two and a half weeks of her life. 

One of the other cats whose name escapes me at this very moment, moved in with her and we were a lot happier with that  because he supervised and volunteers would come and go, and often they’d sit and offer Reiki. And Molly stayed there the whole time. She chose her environment and we had to go along with it.

It was a little scary but she made it really clear. I'm not going to try and jump all the way down to the floor from what, probably four feet high. So we, of course, had steps and all sorts of things in case she did, but she didn't. That was her place and she was going to be there until the end of her life.

Karen Wylie: So interesting to literally go from one place to another and a real extreme change. But she was ready for it.

Gail Pope: Until that time, she had been in the kitchen in her bed. Then she literally just very gently, like the regal lady she was, walked very gently, quite a long way from the kitchen, round the side of the house past the front door, and turned right into the clinic. She knew exactly where she was going. Very strange. But then we're only human, aren't we?

Karen Wylie: We all have our preferences too, as sentient beings that we are. Most of us don't have physical sanctuaries with a clinic room, though! 

What advice would you give to pet parents about thinking about where in their house would be a good place, especially as an animal begins to not be very mobile and perhaps hygiene comes into play where there needs to be some adaptation to the physical environment?

What would you say to pet parents who are trying to think about what space in their home they should devote to this?

Gail Pope: Probably the best advice is, whatever you think first, forget it because they want to do whatever they thought of first. It's really all about observation. It's knowing them well in normal life but you have to be vigilant. They may well explore a little bit while they're thinking, "Oh, I don't know if I want to stay in that place."

A lot of cats, particularly our dogs too, have their own bed. Their own favorite couch, their own favorite things. So if you notice that changing— first of all if mobility becomes an issue and the cat or the dog was usually comfy on the couch then you're going to put steps there or a ramp. You're going to make sure that they have an easier way up but then you may find they're not going up so much. So now you've got to be observant to see where they are favoring? Are they going into the bedroom? What about that chair in the corner of the bedroom?

Maybe I'll put a step stool in front of that chair and some blankets. We'll just see, maybe they want to go there. Maybe the dog just needs extra help to get to the bed. There's so many different types of bed steps available these days. It's scary trying to choose the right one.

Karen Wylie: That's right.

Gail Pope: The couch or the bed. A dog or a cat who slept with you most of their life will, in my experience, go either way. They may suddenly make a point, "I'm not sleeping with you anymore", and that is horribly hard— hard on your heart. 

Or they'll be even more pushy and tell you to move over a bit more in bed and they're wrapped around you, every single day for the rest of their life. But you've got to let the animal dictate. Otherwise you will have a very frustrating journey.

Karen Wylie: You've spoken about bedding and hygiene and layering the bedding in other podcasts but without sending our listeners or viewers to other podcasts, what can you share about something to keep in mind about the layering of the bedding and so forth for hygienic purposes?

Gail Pope: I think it's one of the most wonderful things you can do to help yourself. We are always preaching care for yourself, but when you are caring for one or more animal who is experiencing immobility or some kind of end of life situation where they’re not able or are not necessarily continent anymore. The more you can save yourself from having to do huge piles of washing every few hours.

So what I found was first of all, you can buy incontinence pads. I'm sure lots of people are familiar with those. Some of them are washable in various sizes and shapes. They're very valuable to have for certain situations where they're probably not going to get wet but you just want to be sure because they're nice and soft.

Then you have your paper ones, disposables, which are a bit slippery. Obviously you're going to put a bed on top, a blanket of some sort but they have a different feel for the animal than something that isn't plasticized and slippery. 

So anyway, I would start with the washable one, and then I'd put a blanket on top. Then I'd put another disposable one and then another, and depending on the animal and the need, I'd put maybe four layers. So that if they had a small accident— if it was a cat, I could probably stroke them, lift them up, and just take the two top pieces away and stroke them again, and pop them back down again.

If it was a bigger dog, then I'd be able to roll them from one side to the other and then roll out, roll back, and then take the soiled bedding away. I think in those situations it would really help to be qualified as a human nurse to change the bedding. It can be quite an art with a big dog, I can tell you.

Karen Wylie: That's the truth. That gives everybody some guidance to think ahead because at the beginning you don't think, "they don't really need all that", but what you are talking about is when they need it, you can just remove that layer.

Gail Pope: I thought of another thing that I learned fairly early on: cats, dogs and humans very often drool, especially towards the end of life or in an illness. So when you are doing your layering, you might also think about the incontinence pads I buy, I generally cut them into smaller pieces but you're not going to put something like that under their face. You've got to think of the aesthetic. So I would put a piece of toweling like a face flannel underneath but with an incontinence layer under that.

So if they drool, generally you can just take the toweling part away. So you just take the top part and just put in a clean one. They're quick and easy to wash, and they're nice and soft and cozy. That can save a lot of time.

Karen Wylie: Yes, I'm sure it can. I never thought of that. That's great. All right, we've talked about how a pet's needs are going to change as their condition changes or their strength changes. 

What about households with multiple pets? Now you always had lots of pets in the sanctuary. How would you advise a pet parent to approach it if they do have multiple pets?

Gail Pope: Exactly the same as we've just discussed. Basically the thoughts, ideas that I've had so far are based on my sanctuary days with lots of animals. It really is just being attentive because if you've got a house with five cats and three dogs. You've got eight different personalities.

You've got male cats, female cats, and the same with the dogs. They've all got their own choices and preferences, and so if someone's not well then your focus becomes "What does she particularly like best?" And "Who does she usually sleep with and how can I help that habit?"

Or you really have to look into their life to see how you can maneuver comfort around them as they change their physical ability or emotional, mental ability.

Karen Wylie: As I was thinking about this consideration and how it's affected me in my home. I talk about Mr. Hope often, who died two and a half years ago. But the reason that Livy and Chey, the two Aussies, grieve his loss is because Hope raised those puppies. He'd never been around another dog. So of course at the beginning he could not believe we did this to him and brought Chey into his life but they became very close. Then two years later when Livy came, they had the same very strong relationship.

As Hope became weaker, it was never a consideration for me that I needed to protect him from the Aussies and all their energy because he chose to continue being with them. But fortunately I'll use Callie, who's so often— it's cold today, which is why I am wearing this. We have snow today and she's burrowing over in a chair over there, so she's not right here but usually she is. And yet Callie and her brother were feral when they showed up in the yard and I raised them. But then I brought them upstairs here to the office because they were kittens and I wanted to get them where they were not staying under the bed and I wanted them out, getting comfortable with day-to-day and not catching their tail in the refrigerator and so forth.

But Callie doesn't like any other cats. That's a big deal for her and she's never had to deal with dogs. My choices for Callie would be very different. So just as you're saying, you have to adapt everything based on the personality of the pets and also the life that they have lived with you.

Gail Pope: Yes, you are reminding me of my mom now. It's the same again for humans as for animals. We have to use respect, observation and adaptation. I guess adapting to, and moving along with changes in quality of life and living are what we're talking about. It is just the same for an elderly person as an elderly animal.

Karen Wylie: Very often we're in the caregiver role regardless and needing to make choices. But as you're saying, the choices and the decisions need to be made around the needs of our patient.

Gail Pope: Yes, 100%.

Karen Wylie: When you've been consulting with pet parents about this kind of topic where they're trying to figure out what to do for their pet at home, is there anything in particular that you find that pet parents tend to overlook or not think about initially?

Gail Pope: Again, that probably would be the incontinent layering, incontinence bedding. A lot of people I know didn't think about it for a long time until their washing machine basically said, "Excuse me, I can't keep doing this."

Karen Wylie: Yes and you were living there all day.

Gail Pope: I think as humans, most of us have been used to adapting to a human in our life, whether a child or an older person or a husband, a spouse, or anybody that they may have cared for through anything like a serious cold to a severe illness of some sort. So I think we actually have a natural ability to do these things. It's a matter of just kicking into gear and actually really realizing that we need to pay attention.

Karen Wylie: And a different kind of attention as their physical body loses strength because I tend to really try to make sure that they feel safe as their condition worsens in ways that they never felt a need to rule their life by being safe. That's true for all of us when we're living our lives without conditions that we're worried about. With our pets that's certainly number one for me is, are they going to feel safe in this particular situation? But as you're saying, as long as we're watching the choices that they're making, that's going to probably be our best guidance.

Gail Pope: I think so.

Karen Wylie: We're really not talking about making everything perfect here. It's really about just starting to pay attention to what they need and adapting as you go.

Gail Pope: I think the word comfort sums it up. That's all we are really seeking is comfort of every kind for our animal as well as ourselves and our family. It's the family comfort which is the house we live in. So it's creating the right atmosphere, the right ambiance in the house.

Karen Wylie: Yes, because you don't need a dedicated room for this. You don't need a whole lot of expensive equipment. It really is just allowing your pet to continue to live their life the way they want, as long as possible.

Gail Pope: That sounds perfect.

Karen Wylie: So in creating a sanctuary space, I guess you just got to start. You start with one thing and just move forward. I think I know what you're going to say as closing advice.

Gail Pope: It couldn't be anything about baby-steps, could it?

Karen Wylie: Wouldn't be anything about baby-steps!

Gail Pope: Oh yes, baby-steps with lots of love.

Karen Wylie: With lots of love. There you go.

Gail Pope: That'll fit. It's true. Our animals lead us and we don't have to learn these things. We just have to be open. It's about connection - a loving connection. We know what they need. The way they tell us what they need is something that we don't necessarily always dig deeper into,  but that's for another conversation.

Karen Wylie: Another conversation. We've touched on it today though which I think is good. 

Thank you all for joining us today and if you have found this discussion helpful, please share this episode with another pet parent out there who might also need to hear it. Do remember, you're not alone in this journey— that's what this podcast is for, that's what our consults are for, that's what our caregivers hub is for. Whether it's for a month or many months, whatever length of time you need support, we are here for you. So until the next time, take care of yourself and your wonderful companions.

Thanks for being with us. Bye-bye.

Gail Pope: Goodbye.